The Goddess Phenonomenon

Mary Magdeline, Cleopatra, Helen of Troy, Joan of Ark, Queen Elizabeth l, Sacajawea, Eleanor Roosevelt, Marilyn, Jackie, Princess Diana, Madonna, and now...Sarah Palin? Society through the ages has always loved to worship and adore the goddess figure. There are many more; to many to list. We love to put them on pedestals, adore and admire them, and then LOVE to see them come crashing down.

Gay men love a messy, bitchy goddess who can make a triumphant comeback in the face of adversity; especially if she has fabulous hair, fabulous clothes and fabulous shoes. Cher, Judy Garland, and Martha Stewart come to mind right off the bat. Most of the list of women here are all comeback queens. There is something about a women who stands up to the world and says "Don't F*** with me boys, cuz I've been to this rodeo before". You go girl.

I think that after computer run demographics, test audience response meters, and careful but risky planning, the Republican National Committee has come up with what they are hoping to be the classic Goddess figure: A hail Mary pass named Sarah Palin. Build her up, tear her down and like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, maybe she just might emerge triumphant, strong, and with a country full of gay men worshiping at her feet. But, to bad she prays for gays to become straight. The "Pray for Gays"movement does not seem to have a lot of traction. Especially in California. Even Sulu from Star Trek just had a Hollywood gay marriage in People magazine.

California is important for several reasons.First, there is a LOT of electoral votes at stake, and then there is The "Miss California" franchise; a multi million dollar beauty machine owned by GUY-REX. Guy and Rex are two gay guys who started out as pageant coaches in Texas 30 years ago. They bought the "Miss Texas" franchise and then went on to California. These guys basically invented the modern day "Goddess Phenomenon" as we know it today. In the past 20 years Miss California and/or Miss Texas has made the top five in The "Miss USA" pageant. Women from all over the states competing in different pageants and women from countries around the world vie for the coveted "Miss Universe" crown pay A LOT of money for the best coaching available to become a top beauty queen. There are basic rules that you learn on the first day.

Sarah Palin is a top beauty pageant competitor. Runner up in the 1984 "Miss Alaska" pageant is no small feat, and the coaching to get to that level is grueling and cut throat. Alfred and I have coached for the "Miss Massachusetts" pageant and there are some basic rules of thumb that one follows-always and forever. Inside that vice presidential veneer beats the heart of a cold blooded beauty queen capable of ripping the sequins off her opponents dress minutes before Joe Bidden changes into the evening gown competition tomorrow night. Her conservative suit will either be creamy off white- (honest, chaste, and pure) or Coca Cola red. (patriotic, bold, assertive) I wouldn't be surprised if it was a combination: creamy blouse and/or scarf with a bold red suit, and FABULOUS shoes. As her coach I would squeeze her into full body SPANX (the new head to toe Lycra girdle that Oprah lives by) and follow the cardinal rules of the "interview competition":

-Walk out with purpose, poise,and personality.
-Keep you pinkys on your thighs, face the camera (judges) in a 3/4 side pose with a "toe pop" in the ballet classic 4th position. (every little girl age 6 and over knows what that
position is)
-most importantly, get in as many of the 7 beauty pageant mantras as possible:

1) GOD
2) FAMILY
3) OVER COMING PERSONAL TRAGIDY
4) LEADERSHIP
5) MOTIVATION
6) INSPIRATION
7) COMMITMENT

There are a few other key words, phrases, and techniques that help. "MENTOR" is the new word in the last few years that's getting legs. "SPECIAL NEEDS" and dismantling land mines in really poor African countries-while committing to help cure the HIV epidemic over there while your at it, is good too if you can get that in. A big trick that Sarah has already proved a pro at, is to mention the interviewer/judges name as often as you can during the answer. It's a time filler, and it makes you look really interested and introspective on the question." Charlie/Katie I am COMMITTED..." Choking back tears- with a dramatic pause to take a sip of water to regain your composure is a sure winner. You buy a lot of time to come up with your next insincere answer to the question you have no idea what they're talking about: "In regards to what aspect Charlie...?"

Joan of Ark, Queen Elizabeth , Eleanor Roosevelt, Princess Diana, Madonna, and Sarah Palin share some other attributes as well. I could imagine all of them being able to dress out a deer haunch in the field if necessary, shoot a brace of quail for dinner, land a giant bull Salmon on the St John river, or a Striped Bass off Cape Cod, and then throw back a few scotches around a campfire. Is the perfect goddess able to go from a white water kayak to a strapless evening gown in under ten minutes? If I were the moderator at the debate Thursday night, I would ask that question. Or how about wouldn't it be a blast to shoot deer out of the helicopter on the way to Camp David? Which best girlfriend would you take?

We need to be careful now with the tear down phase. With six weeks to go, We've built her up, and now she's nose diving for the crash. But with just the right timing, she could be released from "Camp Cupcake," forgiven for marring the Greek tycoon, or sainted for being burned at the stake. We need to watch for her rising from the ashes the week before the election. The Brittany Spears Phoenix was much bigger then anyone guessed, and Cher has risen so many times that she has to brush the ash out of her hair.

Sarah however will never EVER get the "pink vote." (Which according to Sue Hyde's book "Come out and Win" was close to 6% of John Kerry's total vote.) By the way, how come no one ever mentions the "pink vote"? We have the lunch pail vote and the hockey mom vote among other obscure demographic groups . I think the Gay vote is pretty significant, and no one seems to mention it. Cher, Barbara Streisand, and Barney Frank certainly all know how important the "pink vote" is. We vote, and we give money.

Watch for all the beauty pageant training techniques on Thursday night. Don't forget both Miss USA's fell down on live Television, like a sack of potatoes two years in a row at the Miss Universe pageant. And yet, they both made the top five. Two years ago she was first runner up. Just remember the sacred words: "If for any reason Miss USA cannot fulfill her duties, the runner up takes over the crown. If John McCain had to relenquish his crown like Vanessa Williams did, at least Sarah will look great, Vaseline her teeth, saran wrap her thighs, and keep that smile sparkling at the middle East negotiating table. And the winner is....






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The Stars of Hair on the Air Radio

Who are Alfred and Thomas?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Hair is on the Air

Here's a little more about the guys that make Hair on the Air a radio show like you've never heard before:

ALFRED: (on the left)From Boston, he’s Italian, streetwise, smart mouthed, with a tough edge and a city attitude. As a die hard Red Sox fan,he can tell you any sports statistic you want to know. With three kids, a career of dealing with parent issues, coaching kids on every team, and a family comes first, conservative values kind of guy, his matinee idol looks, and Robert DeNiro character voice fit his personality perfectly.

THOMAS: From Martha’s Vineyard, he’s gay, boarding school educated, liberal with far reaching communication skills that sometimes are over the top. His sense of humor, life experience, (for one, he lost 140 lbs 20 years ago) keeps him never at a loss for words. His prior radio talk on WBCN from 1984-87 gives him an ease in the medium. He is the “Lucy” to Alfred’s “Ricky ”.

Hair on the Air in on RadioyouBoston HD2 on Thursday nights from 7-8, but don't worry if you don't live in Boston, just go to http://www.RadioYouBoston.com , iTunes or http://www.hairontheair.com and listen online. If you have a question, topic, or comment that you want the guys to answer, call the 24 hour HOTLINE: 617 418-HAIR (4247), shoot them an email at http://www.hairontheair.com or better yet, on Thursday nights between 7-8pm CALL IN LIVE: (617) 822-6211 and take your turn in the chair.

Posted by Hair on the Air Show at 10:31 PM 0 comments

Living Vicariously through our Clients

Alfred, Who were you this week? Who did you have in your chair that you not only did their hair, but you are invested in, identify with, give advise to, console, motivate, listen to, admire and help feel good about themselves. How many clients this week have you done for over ten years? How many have you walked through tough times with, gone through a divorce or a miscarriage with, or you handed them Kleenex discussing a problem that brought them to tears sitting with all the foils on their head. Alfred, who were you this week? Who was in your chair that let you feel the baby kick, showed off the new engagement ring, finished their dissertation, described the Olympics in Beijing, or you handed them a Kleenex as they laughed themselves into tears while they sit waiting for the hot wax to rip little hairs off their chin. Were you a famous movie star again?

One of the best things about being a hairdresser, is the magic of living vicariously through are clients lives. We have so many different, interesting, and varied people that pass through our hands everyday. When one allows another to touch them physically-such as a masseuse, a doctor, or a hairdresser- an intimacy develops. A trust develops. Many people find this bond a comforting, and therapeutic link to anther person who is involved-yet detached. There seems to be a lot of safety in this relationship. I have clients that have come once a month for 25 years. If your getting a basic single process color that lasts about two hours, that sums out to six hindered hours of time spent together. That is the equivalent of fifteen- forty hour work weeks of close, hands on intimacy. We make some serious long lasting relationships with our clients.

Some of them are whimsical and humerus. If I put myself into the shoes of a few off the top of my head; I get to be a mom whose 12 year old son just got back from the most prestigious PING PONG CAMP in the world outside of Budapest Hungary. I get to be an Olympic gold medalist rower. I get to be a three star general. I get to be the Dean of a prestigious graduate school. I get to be a fifteen year old hip-hop break dancer. I am a well known actress, news anchor, and author. I also get to be a few really crazy psychiatrists, heart surgeons, and a leading physicist.

Alfred, and others in our salon got to be a Greek national soccer player, an oil painting restoration expert at the Smithsonian, and an Archaeologist just back from Tunisia looking for ancient scrolls. We got to be the President of an Eastern European country-flanked by drop dead handsome secret service- (when asked what she thought was the most pressing world issue at the moment, she paused, thought deeply for a moment, and then answered:"What I care about the most right now is that...I become a Grandmother this year")

We also got to be a regular mom working part time, juggling three kids, a mortgage, and a husband whose job is on the line. We felt the frustration when we were not accepted into the graduate program that we had worked so hard for. We were a parent who wouldn't let their fifteen year old son attend the "legalize marijuana" rally without supervision. We were an alcoholic fifteen days sober struggling to keep it together. We were a divided family dealing with getting Grandma into the right living situation for her final days. We were first time business school clients, recommended to us to get just the right haircut for job interviews. We were a new doctor in a new city working thirty six hour shifts who wanted some ideas on where to drive out of Boston for day trips. (Ogunquit, or Newport) We were a hot trendy BU student who died her Asian black hair- snow white blond 3 days before, who spent the entire day at the salon to fix it. She bought lunch for everyone, and she walked out a sensation.

Living in voyeuristic monthly snapshots through our clients is sometimes extremely painful. It can be really hard to see someone you've been intimately involved with careening into a big mistake, staying with an abusive partner, or sinking into the depths of depression. Many clients invite you to establish the oopportunity to provide advise, motivation, and the pep talks that go beyond just the monthly haircut chit chat . When you have been involved with someone for 25 years, gone through the good, the bad and the ugly there inevitably comes those moments where we have the ability to provide service that goes above and beyond. The concept of boundaries is a big one here. My job is to do your hair. But if I can I can set you up on a blind date with my 10th grade English teacher (who hit me in the face with an eraser,) and then you get married because of it, all the better, I get bonus points

This week such a moment presented it self. My beloved long time client has been battling cancer for the last 12 years. We have been shopping for hats together, building memories with her remarkable daughter of thirteen when they come to the salon together, and I have hooked her up with other clients who specialize in treatment of her affliction. Our goal is to make it to her daughter's Bat Mitzvah at the end of October. This week, her husband carried her up the stairs late, after the salon was closed. I had the shades down, soft lights, and soft music. I buzzed her hair down to a crew cut, and tinted her eyebrows. We sat and talked. I will take the day off to attend the Bat Mitzvah to help with styling and moral support. I wouldn't dream of charging a penny for this, as it is my honor to be involved and included in this families process.

Yesterday I went to the house of a 94 year old women who had been great friends of my parents. She spends "the season" on Martha's Vineyard where she is a true "matriarch", and then is flown back to old Savannah GA where she is the doyenne of the plantation set. I have gone to her museum of a house for 28 years, three times a year. As I finneshed up her hair, I got choked up thinking that this would be the last time I would be able to help this wonderful woman maintain her dignity, put a smile on her, and help her feel like the femmenine southern Belle that she has always been. For two hours yesterday she was again the grand lady whose parents had gone down on the Andrea Doria Ocean Liner (they survived). I suggested I put some lipstick on her, clip on the pearl earings, and hey- let's slip these high heels on for a minute even just here in the bed. The look on her face once again made me realize why I am in this buisness. Her son came up to me later to say she had been looking forward to this all week. I was in tears as I reminded him how to massage her head every night, and that she had conveyed to me to make sure she has her lipstick and earings were ALWAYS on in the hospital until the very last day.

The one year old kid whose bangs I cut my first year as a hairdresser- (I don't do kids...no way...well, OK just this once) is named Dylan. He is pushing thirty and should be a Calvin Klein underware model. I have watched him grow up for his entire life, and feel like "Aunt Thomas". He makes all his girlfriends come into the salon for a "drive by". It's like running the Mohegan indian gauntlet. Some of them have walked out with a tommahawk squarely in the forehead. But if they think they can just come in and pick the golden apple without some sort of litmus test, they have a surprise coming. I think being a 28 year old Calvin Klein underwear model, a three star General, a cancer survivor, or a fireman are all right up there as the truly great clients to live vicariously through.

Botox with a beer chaser

We're both back on the Air after my self imposed torture at the Fat Farm, and anti-aging clinic in Mexico. Alfred had a great solo show, but Ricky needs Lucy, the Captain needs Teneile, and Frankie Avalon needs Annette to have a great beach party.

I was all set to call in from Mexico, but the afternoon tropical thunderstorms kept the (1) phone out of commission, and my computer limped along in safe mode, just barely avoiding a full crash. Thank God for 16 year old computer geniuses who can scrub your computer clean for a good haircut. Jack, I owe you big time. It's like my computer got a high colonic, and a few syringes of SURGIDERM; like I did South of the border.

I'd like to talk more about "off shore" beauty treatments and procedures on the air. Alfred gets a bit squeemish talking about Brazilian injections and chlorophyll enemas, but we do get a lot of emails, comments, and hotline calls (617-418-HAIR) about this whole concept of "Medi-tourism". Eco-tourism used to be the big travel term a few years back, but now we have clients that go off to India for triple bypass surgery, Canada for Lasic eye surgery, and South America for cosmetic procedures. Take your pick- You can either go to Costa Rica to see the Scarlet Macaws, or get a top of the line tummy tuck. A good travel agent gets you both.

Here is what a great plastic surgeon in South America looks like. His name is Dr. Daniel Robles. He's a great guy:

http://lucebien.com.mx/english/

He has a great philosophy: "Plastic surgery is a medical human specialty because it deals with one of the most sensitive essences of human beings: the beauty and it’s great numbers of meanings; That´s why the plastic surgeon must know the most assorted and advanced surgical techniques, as well as humanity rudiments, in order to considerate his patient’s body and soul."

Don't you love that!! This guy does everything from Facial fillers and the latest forms of Botox, to calf and ass implants. I keep to the kid stuff with a few injections here and there, but one could get a complete body makeover if you wanted to on vacation. We get a lot of questions on the air about nips and tucks. This is the guy who's clinic does it all. They say that Merle Oberon, the great beauty of Hollywood in the 1930's was the first star to get into plastic surgery. She went to the famous clinic in Cuernavaca that is still there today. Like Dr. Robles's clinic it is all white marble and tinted glass in a modern and impeccably clean high tech facility. Best of all everything is about 1/4 of the price in the United States-which is why everyone is zooming off to India for heart operations, Thailand for Hepatitis cures, and South America for cosmetic procedures. As one should for any good vacation- do your homework, use a good travel agency that specializes in medi-tourism, and research where your going and what your in for. Have a great trip, and when you get back everyone says "you look so RESTED! You must have had a great vacation. I did.

Greetings from MEXICO:Travels of a hairdresser

Buenos Dias:

There was a terrible Thunder and lightening storm Wednesday night that knocked out all the phones/DSL Internet (and maybe mortally wounded my laptop) I was unable to call into the radio show (or HOTLINE), and I'm sure Alfred is furious, since HE called in from the room that Anna Nicolle Smith died in when HE was on vacation..."Ummm, some people take this seriously missy"" I can just here him now. But I'll say:"Yeah, OK I was hatching baby Rattlesnakes-had to take a message...".

I just lost a whole page and a half of writing...I have been tinkering with this computer for 2 hours now- I'm on "SAFE MODE" and that seem to be the only setting that doesn't go CRASH on me...But I can't upload any pictures yet

Anyway, I'm limping along on email to reassure you that Luis and I have a satellite cel phone, and a GPsatelite tracking device for roughing it. This morning was our final "PREP" ride before we go out for a few nights under the stars. Don't worry about a thing- He's armed, knows all these mountains like the back of his hands, and he's like Tonto and Sir Edmund Hillary on Horseback.At least I get to eat!! He makes his own wild Veinson Jerky, Maybe a baby pig if I'm lucky, hard boiled (chicken) eggs, and camp coffee. I get to swagger in my beat up chaps a bit looking for firewood (Serpent sonar circuits overloaded) and pretend to be "Rowdy" (Clint Eastwood) from "Rawhide." Luis is DEFINITELY Antonio Banderas from "The Mexican" -What BUTCH is all about.

The preperation 4 hour hard ride this morning was way down the canyon to this wonderful little hot springs pool that we swim in (104 degrees The waterfall boils down and massages your shoulders and neck perfectly...A beautifully pristine (even drinkable) yet totally undiscovered place. We never ever find trash out that far as we do other places much closer to campers..

We came back via the place where we had discovered a clutch of Rattlesnake eggs, and Luis skillfully scooped them up more to show what an extraordinary nest of slightly slimey viscosity Those impressive big Rattlers make.. As we were mounding the small leathery eggs for "the money shot" with the camera, Luis casually mentions that the mother is usually in the area to keep an eye on the nest. (OK, NOW you tell me as I'm picking up rattlesnake eggs, hoping they won't hatch and chomp my finger as their first assassination assignment. I kept my eyes out as we set up for the
photo op that the big mother wasn't behind me ready to sink her huge hypodermic fangs into me.(Again, that would suck. Dad would always cheerfully point out how this would make a GREAT obituary item, or better yet-Headline. However if I saw a six foot rattlesnake coming up behind me I would go all "snakes on a Plane" for sure.

I will try to load these shots of us swimming and squatting over the nest of "ouvos de Cascavalle. But, I'm a bit nervous about my computer...I'll keep you posted. I've had had a bunch of "treatments" in Guadalajara, and I got a haircut from the most expensive, attitude oozing, coolest hair salon in town called "Patrice Coiffure" I of course had Patrice do it Himself, My God he was so gay-he was like Ricky Martin meets Anthony Quinn in that movie about Aristotle Onasis. He gave me a great haircut.

Tuesday I rush back for my follow ups at the clinic (I got the latest,and coolest.. my final High Colonic before I go to the airport.) I am really packing the spa concept in this year. I LOVE being 45...What was I thinking?? The best is ahead!

Love THOMAS

The Fat Farm

No one can work a dress like a Spanish girl. CRRRRRUMBA baby. Cheeta Rivera could pick up that side of her dress, with one hand. The Latin sexuality; her gestures to shimmy and shake her side wrist: shake, shake. shake, It makes that Latino style of “working a dress” the best culture ever to do so. One could argue the Italian's have that built in ability to instinctively know how to walk a dress down a Milan Runway as well, having a cultural sense of the natural and instinctive ability to preen, move well, flick your hair, fiddle with your top blouse button, twinkle, saunter, and the men- constantly adjusting themselves. The Romeos, and the Hot Latin lovers. A Tony Curtis movie and a martini. (That would be Alfred-the other half of Hair on the Air)

The Mexican people here are the warmest, friendliest, family based friends I know. I gave up a ticket to the famous and expensive Guadalajara national Mariachi Festival to spend the evening with one of my dearest friends. Two days before we lost another dear friend who rode horseback with us 2 years ago on a long pilgrimage to TALPA. He was tragical crushed by a horse. Truly, a real cowboy and I'm honored to have rode with him. I went to his funeral yesterday, It was a mob scene. He was only 42, and his name was Malecio. The widow was out of control, then the older sister- there were 8 sisters- all started to go. There were a couple of "jumpers" who got down in there sobbing, then dramatically pulled up by the strong men. I've seen that at an Italian funeral; "climbers" where they try to climb up on the casket.


I'm at a Spa. It's kind of like going to girls fat camp, but your never picked last for the teams. A little like a diet vegi psychiatric wellness center- kind of Eslin workshop-meets European Hot Springs rejuvenation clinic. Brilliant and interesting people get "treatments" and get into poolside networking. Then it's right into the non-FDA approved injections and surgical procedure clinics for all the anti aging stuff. We are out in a pristine Mexican wilderness, with old style rustic Mexican Cowboys. The meals are torture; either juicing on 8 glasses of "the green slime" or Vegetarian low cal. "Come on people let's pick it up, feel the burn, burn the fat') The work out is lots of hiking mostly and Yoga- I should say Battan death march at one point this week in the heat.Vincent Price is right there with the taskmaster's whip. "Keep moving wimp, just wait until tommorrow's hike"!


When I was in town the other day "having a treatment"I went to a very expensive hair salon and spent about 40 dollars to have the fabulous "Patrice" do my hair. Patrice was a little like Liberace meets Anthony Quinn. In a queeny pursed lips kind of way. "I can give you VERY good price...and by the end you get a "very good price" on the 1979 Ford LTD. as well as a great haircut. Little black haired Mauricio shampooed me and asked me if I had ever seen Madonna. He gushed in broken English. Then he shampooed me so hard he almost drew blood. It was fun. I forget what it's like to be on the other side of the chair. It really is all about trust, and making a comfortable connection with the poerson doing my hair. I felt Patrice really CARED how my haircut turned out. He took pride in his work. It was an important lesson to remind myself what the client is going through. It was quite a good learning experience to see the workings of another salon, their layout, equipment and interaction with each other. Patrice begged me to get some highlights, but I have seen to many victims of a foreign hairdresser in my career, and I politely opted out. It takes time to build trust between Hairdresser and Client.

I'm sneaking in to the little village to meet my friend with the horses and go out for a long picnic. "Picnic" in Mexico can mean 3 days. It's an ambivalent time stretch- He is bringing my all time favorite cheating on the diet food: (but it's pure protein, no carbs, and IN the ATKINS weight loss book) Ready for the all time "binge at a fat farm food"? Roasted suckling Pig. I'm not kidding, after a week of green slime drinks and lettuce, I going to chow down on him like a cannibal in Borneo. Now THAT"S a picnic- I stay with bottled water, and maybe a few diet cokes, I opt out on the tequila and the soft tortillas (that one rolls the tender pork inside of- smothers it with -go to the emergency room- hot sauce , and your eating a Tortilla Chommorro. This is the the great delicacy of the state of Jalisco, up here in the mountains with the fat girls and the cowboys.

I just thought of an idea Alfred came up with. I could stand outside the gate of the Spa and sell roast baby pig, meatball subs, and Hershey bars for $100. a piece. Leave it to Alfred to come up with how to score an angle on that. Frankie and the boys are probably running odds in Vegas at how much weight I'll lose. I plan on coming back looking like one of those Chinese Gymnast girls.
Hasta la vista

Super Stews- HAIR on the AIR goes up UP UP and AWAY

8/29 08-

Flying used to be glamorous. We dressed up to fly. When I was a kid we had to wear a jacket and tie to get on the plane to Philadelphia for the long flight to visit our Aunt and Uncle. Flight attendants (Airline Hostess’s and Stewardess’s back then) were dressed in crisp semi military fitted suits with epilates on the shoulders, smart little overseas wedge caps cocked to the side on their perfect French twist up dos , white gloves and high heels. Pan Am stewardesses were the most smartly dressed of all. Remember Jacqueline Bisset in the original movie “Airport”? She was the epitome of the last of that old school look. Then came Karen Black in “Airport 75” with her crossed eyes and the stringy pieces of over processed hair going into her mouth as she tried to land the 747. AWESOME! Her tangerine mini made her the icon of stewardess chic-especially when you’re that much of a mess in a dress.

The breakthrough was male stewardess’s which is when the PC term of flight attendant started. I remember flying to London on my first transatlantic flight when the guy who looked like Robert Redford came up to buckle me in, and my gay Geiger counter went to maximum output. My dream of being a male flight attendant was born. Fantasies of 3 day layovers in Rome, marrying a dreamy pilot, or first class business tycoon reinforced my dream to enter the realm of these beautiful people that serve beverages so elegantly with a bitchy edge; the glamorous field of commercial aviation. TWA, and Pan AM were the high end fashion airlines then, and my first hurdle was the weight requirement. They weigh you in, and if you were over the line, forget it. My Stewardship candle then started to dim into a lifetime of celery sticks and low fat cottage cheese. Hairdressing, makeup and styling was now overtaking my career path. I realized that I could devote myself to keeping flight attendants glamorous, or even more handsome, and to this day I have quite a few clients that fly. I love them.

Now in the days of airline deregulation, terrorism, and the post 911 era, flight attendants have toughened up a lot. Do not mess with them. (“You need to stow that hand luggage RIGHT NOW”! Or, “Sir, we are on an ACTIVE runway, and if you don’t sit down we’re going to have to call security.”) They have become the integral stewards of safety and take no crap efficiency on an airplane. Their roles have expanded far beyond the point were the beverage service is the most important function. Polyester Pantsuits, white blouses with coffee stains, and sensible shoes have given way to that romantic stereotypical image of the stewardess of yesteryear.

HOWEVER, when a flight attendant finds out that you are a makeup artist or a hairdresser, it is still the best upgrade card you can play. Flight attendants and hairdressers are like magnets to each other. We love them; they love us. It took about 4 minutes during pre-boarding this morning for the “purser” (senior ranking stew) to find out who I was, and tell me that she had been the 2nd runner up, and Miss congeniality in the 1991 Miss Wisconsin pageant for the Miss America franchise (it really IS a scholarship pageant-let’s get that straight.) Her talent was the flute: “Flight of the Bumble Bee.” She still subscribes to “Pageantry Magazine.”(my favorite behind “American Cheerleader.”) She whipped out a stunning picture of her evening gown and crown from 19 years ago displaying a perfect “toe pop”,pinky fingers on thighs, and teeth so white you could see them from the space shuttle. A champion is a champion forever and always. Inside that take no crap veneer, pumps the heart of a true beauty queen.

I change planes in Los Angeles to an Aero Mexico flight, where the flight attendant mystique of the past now a days lives on. Latin and Italian airlines still have the concept that being a flight attendant is one-step away from being a runway model. The women at Aero Mexico all grease their hair back into face lift tight Evita Peron low buns, with Tammy Faye eyes, and the ever present brown lip liner. Latin girls cannot seem to get past the pink lipstick/brown lip liner conundrum. Their skin tight short-skirted black suits with miniature silver sombreros lining the arm and skirt seems are the best in the business. Some Asian airlines even have Kimono style uniforms. Alitalia Airlines wins the overall presentation gold medal. Armani designed uniforms cut on the bias, are accessorized with leather. They all glide down the catwalk of the airplane aisles during the preflight announcement, removing their tight leather gloves finger by finger with the synchronized precision of Olympic diving. As on the Aero Mexico flights, the passion and sexuality crackles between the flight and cabin crews, and one can only imagine what has gone on behind the pulled curtain of the forward galley all these years.

Next time your flying through Atlanta or Dallas remember that your in the “hot roller belt” and keep your eyes peeled for the fabulous dos and shoes on the men and women that work for the airlines. But when your in Mexico City, Rome, or Buenos Aires your in the sweet spot. In fact, I attended the “Miss Flight Attendant 1998” pageant 10 years ago in Puente del Este, Uraguay. Now THAT was a smorgasbord of airline beauty, dominated by the south Americans. Miss Lan Chile Airlines robbed the title from Miss Varig Airlines that year. I recommend this fantastic competition which takes place every January to all.

Happy flying.

Snip and Tell

We hold the secrets. We listen. We console. We acknowledge and appreciate you when you sit in the chair. Our job is to help make you FEEL good about yourself, as well as look good. And remember our motto: It feels good to look good. God, we love our job. When a client walks out feeling better then when they walked in, we have done our job well. If you've been thinking about cutting your hair into something new-GO AHEAD!! Hmmm, maybe I should cover a little of this grey-GO AHEAD!! Maybe I'll go red for the fall, I've always wanted to...GO AHEAD!! You'll feel better about yourself. Ask your stylist what they really truthfully think would look good. "If you could do anything you wanted to my hair what would you do, and why?" The reason you should go to a good stylist in the first place is for their expertise and knowledge on what works and what doesn't. TELL your stylist about your life style. Be honest. "I have two kids to get off to school, and get to work. I can spend 5 minutes on my hair. With my texture, face shape, and time constraint what will work for me?" TELL your stylist the truth. "I hate blow drying, can you give me a cut that doesn't need any styling?" or "I use a flat iron everyday, hot rollers, and blow dry the wave out. How do I keep my hair healthy looking?" These are the things you should discuss and TELL your stylist. Have a relationship where you trust, collaborate, and aren't afraid to TELL your stylist what you think. "It was to short last time." So, OK, let's grow it out a bit so that your more comfortable with the length, but it's my job to be honest and remind you that your wispy soft short cut, looks dead fabulous with your Valentino suit, and the Narz lipstick we picked out last time, and you got the promotion a week after your last cut. TELL your stylist about your job, your relationships, (he likes it blonder) your schedule, your new water aerobics class in the chlorine pool, your vacation to the beach coming up, (wear a hat) or your upcoming court appearance. (always wear an off white suit, pearls, and your hair in a low chignon bun for the honest understated look whenever you have to testify) The point is TALK to your hairdresser; interact, and develop a rapor. Your hair, your presence, and youir whole look will develop and transform. Remember, it feels good to look good.

Hair on the Air in on RadioyouBoston HD2 on Thursday nights from 7-8, but don't worry if you don't live in Boston, just go to http://www.RadioYouBoston.com , iTunes or http://www.hairontheair.com and listen online. If you have a question, topic, or comment that you want the guys to answer, call the 24 hour HOTLINE: 617 418-HAIR (4247), shoot them an email at http://www.hairontheair.com or better yet, on Thursday nights between 7-8pm CALL IN LIVE: (617) 822-6211 and take your turn in the chair.

8/21/08 Hair on the Air reality check

We got kicked off the air tonight at the last moment due to some concert recording that needed to use our studio...yeah, whatever. We were going to talk about Senator Joe Biden"s hair plugs tonight. Could a Vice President have obvious hair plugs? Call in and tell us what you think for next week. At least it's not a comb over.

We love RadioYouBoston, our new home for the summer. We are trying to get our summer shows on our iTunes account and it looks like it will happen. Jeez, so technical. Last weeks show was about the Olympics (Oh please, that little Chinese girl gymnast is like 12. She has BABY TEETH.) And what's up with the shower cam for the divers. They all showboat and face the camera while in the shower, and totally go for the money shot. I would too if I had abs like that and looked that hot in a speedo. Michael Phelps looks great with all the gold medals around his neck and the buzz cut, but I'll always be a Mark Spitz fan. I had that poster for years in my dorm room, and he looked like one of the original "Village People" with that big butch mustache. To think he broke all those records without a razor suit, a giant mustache to drag along, and that big 70's haircut- well, he's still a God in my Olympic heart. Don't forget this is from the sports fan who can only name 3 Red Sox players (2 now that Manny is gone) and holds up Tanya Harding as my favorite sports star.

Please remember that you can all send us a Hair on the Air HOTLINE message/question/topic/comment any time of day or night on 617 418 HAIR (2427) We'll play it on the air if it's not to naughty or nasty. We want to hear from you!!
http://www.RadioYouBoston.com is the place to go to check us out on Thursday nights from 7-8pm and http://www.hairontheair.com is the place to send us emails to read on the air, and connect to our past shows on iTunes. We LOVE having a blog!! This is to cool.
ALFRED and THOMAS