Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Fat Farm

No one can work a dress like a Spanish girl. CRRRRRUMBA baby. Cheeta Rivera could pick up that side of her dress, with one hand. The Latin sexuality; her gestures to shimmy and shake her side wrist: shake, shake. shake, It makes that Latino style of “working a dress” the best culture ever to do so. One could argue the Italian's have that built in ability to instinctively know how to walk a dress down a Milan Runway as well, having a cultural sense of the natural and instinctive ability to preen, move well, flick your hair, fiddle with your top blouse button, twinkle, saunter, and the men- constantly adjusting themselves. The Romeos, and the Hot Latin lovers. A Tony Curtis movie and a martini. (That would be Alfred-the other half of Hair on the Air)

The Mexican people here are the warmest, friendliest, family based friends I know. I gave up a ticket to the famous and expensive Guadalajara national Mariachi Festival to spend the evening with one of my dearest friends. Two days before we lost another dear friend who rode horseback with us 2 years ago on a long pilgrimage to TALPA. He was tragical crushed by a horse. Truly, a real cowboy and I'm honored to have rode with him. I went to his funeral yesterday, It was a mob scene. He was only 42, and his name was Malecio. The widow was out of control, then the older sister- there were 8 sisters- all started to go. There were a couple of "jumpers" who got down in there sobbing, then dramatically pulled up by the strong men. I've seen that at an Italian funeral; "climbers" where they try to climb up on the casket.

I'm at a Spa. It's kind of like going to girls fat camp, but your never picked last for the teams. A little like a diet vegi psychiatric wellness center- kind of Eslin workshop-meets European Hot Springs rejuvenation clinic. Brilliant and interesting people get "treatments" and get into poolside networking. Then it's right into the non-FDA approved injections and surgical procedure clinics for all the anti aging stuff. We are out in a pristine Mexican wilderness, with old style rustic Mexican Cowboys. The meals are torture; either juicing on 8 glasses of "the green slime" or Vegetarian low cal. "Come on people let's pick it up, feel the burn, burn the fat') The work out is lots of hiking mostly and Yoga- I should say Battan death march at one point this week in the heat.Vincent Price is right there with the taskmaster's whip. "Keep moving wimp, just wait until tommorrow's hike"!

When I was in town the other day "having a treatment"I went to a very expensive hair salon and spent about 40 dollars to have the fabulous "Patrice" do my hair. Patrice was a little like Liberace meets Anthony Quinn. In a queeny pursed lips kind of way. "I can give you VERY good price...and by the end you get a "very good price" on the 1979 Ford LTD. as well as a great haircut. Little black haired Mauricio shampooed me and asked me if I had ever seen Madonna. He gushed in broken English. Then he shampooed me so hard he almost drew blood. It was fun. I forget what it's like to be on the other side of the chair. It really is all about trust, and making a comfortable connection with the poerson doing my hair. I felt Patrice really CARED how my haircut turned out. He took pride in his work. It was an important lesson to remind myself what the client is going through. It was quite a good learning experience to see the workings of another salon, their layout, equipment and interaction with each other. Patrice begged me to get some highlights, but I have seen to many victims of a foreign hairdresser in my career, and I politely opted out. It takes time to build trust between Hairdresser and Client.

I'm sneaking in to the little village to meet my friend with the horses and go out for a long picnic. "Picnic" in Mexico can mean 3 days. It's an ambivalent time stretch- He is bringing my all time favorite cheating on the diet food: (but it's pure protein, no carbs, and IN the ATKINS weight loss book) Ready for the all time "binge at a fat farm food"? Roasted suckling Pig. I'm not kidding, after a week of green slime drinks and lettuce, I going to chow down on him like a cannibal in Borneo. Now THAT"S a picnic- I stay with bottled water, and maybe a few diet cokes, I opt out on the tequila and the soft tortillas (that one rolls the tender pork inside of- smothers it with -go to the emergency room- hot sauce , and your eating a Tortilla Chommorro. This is the the great delicacy of the state of Jalisco, up here in the mountains with the fat girls and the cowboys.

I just thought of an idea Alfred came up with. I could stand outside the gate of the Spa and sell roast baby pig, meatball subs, and Hershey bars for $100. a piece. Leave it to Alfred to come up with how to score an angle on that. Frankie and the boys are probably running odds in Vegas at how much weight I'll lose. I plan on coming back looking like one of those Chinese Gymnast girls.
Hasta la vista

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